I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
