So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
