My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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