I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
