Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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