Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
