She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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