$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
