She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
