why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
