carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
