the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
