Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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