I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
