He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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