Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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