You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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