and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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