if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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