K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
