A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
