I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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