I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize