She announced her abortion via fbk
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
