Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
