coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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