carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
