Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
