party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
