i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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