Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
