I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize