but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
