And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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