I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
