Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
