nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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