My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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