...so i touched it.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
