I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
