i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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