I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
