am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
