I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize