life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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