my phone needs a breathalizer
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize