when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Boobs are out for the taking
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
