He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
