Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i now understand why vodka
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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