its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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