life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
