what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
