watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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