That's intense
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
