What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
