I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i think my tv is drunk
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
