i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
