then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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