My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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