He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
