Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
