I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
