Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
