I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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