Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
