I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize