New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
