Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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