Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize