I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
