whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
