and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
