i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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