Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
