Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
