i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
