Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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