Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
