Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
