I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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