Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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