he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
