There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Rumble strips road head = magical
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
