too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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