sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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