Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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