here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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