I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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