oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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