Heybabeimwearingurpanties
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
