Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize