in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
