What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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