It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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