so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
