Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
