the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
