So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
