Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
