you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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