Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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