i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
