I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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