the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
